Home Movies

Home Movies, a show that reruns on Adult Swim at 1:30 every night, is fucking awesome. Watch it if you haven't seen it yet.

Prepared Remarks of President Obama's Back to School Event

President Obama’s speech transcript to our kids is released. Kids: STAY HOME FROM SCHOOL AND DON’T LET OBAMA PUSH HIS LIBERAL AGENDA INTO YOUR FRAGILE MINDS.

Hello everyone – how’s everybody doing today? I’m here with students at Wakefield High School in Arlington, Virginia. I’m glad you all could join us today. I’m here because I have something important to discuss with you. A lot of people out there feared that this speech would be a display of partisan politics that has plagued Washington for years. But I can assure you that today is about you, not D.C. politics.

Children, let me be direct. We need some sort of universal healthcare in this country. Let me paint a picture for you. Grandma is sick. She’s been coughing a lot lately. She screams out for help, maybe some medicine. Right now, within the current system, Grandma dies. It is in your hands to change this. With universal healthcare, Granny will live at least another 30 years, unless she’s a bitch, in which case no healthcare would be offered in the first place. But, like I said this is not about politics. With that being said, I want to mention that it is important to do your homework.

Children, life is full of tough situations. Here’s another painting I’ve made for you. Mom is at the grocery store. She’s struggling to find the 99 cent peaches that were advertised in the local paper. She takes a couple of ill advised turns and ends up near the cereal aisle. But, guess what? A rapist lurks near the Cocoa Puffs. He takes your mom to her car, has her way with her, and a few months later your mom is pregnant. A little brother or sister sounds great now, but wait until Christmas or Ramadan. “Oh sorry honey, I had to spend a little less on your gift this year because we had to get gifts for Tommy as well.” Now, I know what you’re thinking. Fucking bullshit, right? I can’t agree with you more. With a woman’s right to choose, you can convince your mom to abort little Tommy before he becomes the attention whore of the family. I was responsible for roughly 3 abortions when I was younger. By defending a woman’s right to choose, we can make this country better. But, I’m not here to push any sort of agenda. With that being said, I want to mention that it is important to eat your vegetables.

Children, if you take anything out of this speech it should be this. Doing drugs is perfectly fine. Let me rephrase that, doing a moderate amount of drugs is perfectly fine. Don’t do meth, but everything else is pretty much just fine. Some of you kids out there are already selling some of these drugs out at recess or during gym class and that’s commendable. America needs to foster more entrepreneurs like that. When I first came to this country when I was 14, (that’s right I really wasn’t born here suckaaaas), I learned that high school drug dealers are the ones that go the furthest in life. How do I know? You’re looking at one. That’s why I want to encourage everyone to begin dealing drugs until so many people are doing it that we will be forced to legalize all drugs. But, like I’ve mentioned before, I have absolutely no intention of encouraging you kids to support my liberal agenda. With that being said, fucking bitches and getting money is important. Keep that in mind.

Enjoy your school year. 2010 is the 100th anniversary of when cocaine was invented, so don’t hesitate to give that a whirl. Best of luck. God Bless America and the Democratic Party. Peace, bitches.

Quick disclaimer: Obviously this is a joke. In reality, the speech is much more subtle in brainwashing kids to blindly follow his disgusting socialist agenda. Props to Glenn Beck for digging this up.

Omegle Chats Are Hilarious

I'm having fun going to www.omegle.com and chatting with strangers. You should join too (no this is not pathetic). Also, follow me on twitter.

Here is my first conversation:

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: Hello.
Stranger: hey
You: Do you have a webcam and are legally able to show yourself nude via the internet?
Stranger: excuse me
You: I think my question was fairly clear.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.


And another:

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: How much do you weigh?
Stranger: 125
You: Sorry, that's too much.
You have disconnected.


More to come at some point.

I'm Back Baby!

I'm going to start posting again. I will also redesign this blog in the coming few weeks.

NBA Playoff Predictions!

Rohitism has been running for a while now and I'm bringing back the ol' playoff predictions. Let's see if I can do as well as last year. Twittering has been great fun, get on it if you aren't. Winning team is in bold.

Eastern Conference Quarterfinals:

Cavs
Pistons

Heat
Hawks

Magic
Sixers

Bulls
Celtics

Western Conference Quarterfinals:

Lakers
Jazz

Rockets
Blazers

Spurs
Mavs

Nuggets
Hornets

Eastern Conference Semifinals:

Cavs
Hawks

Magic
Celtics

Western Conference Semifinals:

Lakers
Rockets

Spurs
Nuggets

Eastern Conference Finals:

Cavs
Celtics

Western Conference Finals:

Lakers
Nuggets

NBA FINALS:

Cavs
Lakers

MVP: Lebron James

I realize I really didn't pick any crazy upsets but whatever, this is how I'm guessing it'll go down. Either way, this year's playoffs are going to be incredible.

I'm Hip.

I'm doing a little redesign of Rohitism which will probably take a while, so for now I'll mostly be updating my Twitter! Follow me on that shit folks.Click on this link or go to http://www.twitter.com/rohitkohli.

Punch Out!

Holy crap, I used to love this game back when I had the original Nintendo. Now I have found an online version! Go here to play and maybe you'll face The Great Tiger, one of many racist characters within this fucking awesome boxing game! Don't forget famed Japanese boxer Piston Honda!